The One With the Refrigerator

I was cleaning the refrigerator the other day and I had a distinct rush of emotion and felt Bella's presence. She would often stick her little nose in the fridge when I would open it to get her, or myself something to eat. It always reminded me of a young child (me, maybe) bugging their mother for something to eat and looking at a multitude of goodies, fruit, veggies, and more...but seeing nothing! "Mom, what is there to eat?", the child would wail, clearly momentarily blind to all of the food staring back at her! It brought a smile to my face even though cleaning the fridge is one of my least favorite chores!

I realized the other day, why I was feeling so funky this week. The three-month anniversary of Bella's passing was earlier this week. I truly miss her. She was good company and filled my day with meaning and goodness. I have her photos stored on my phone as a screensaver. When I am feeling blue, or have a twinge of her presence in the room, I often find myself talking to her (the screensaver, that is).

Last night, I thought I saw someone in the backyard with a bright light. Even though the alarm was set, I was terrified. Frozen on the couch in the living room, late at night, I called the police. Within five minutes (even though it seemed much longer), they sent a cruiser with two officers...and a helicopter buzzing the house, bright lights and all!

I remember thinking, "If Bella was here, I would feel safe. Even though she was not a barker by nature, she would have barked at the sounds from the backyard and protected her Momma!"

I still find myself looking at dog photos on the rescue sites, thinking about the day I might get a dog. I think about how a dog would have protected me last night, and how safe I would have felt, and how it would have diminished my need to call the police. Someday...

The One With the Car Wash

I think this will be my last post for a bit. I have not felt compelled to write and until now I could not find a topic. I went out and ran errands late last week and came back home as there was a dust storm heading into the Valley. Of course, not knowing there was a dust storm impending, I stopped to get the car washed on my way home. One thing I have not been able to do is wash my driver's side window. Bella's little nose-prints are still there from months ago.  And even though I would prefer a clean window, there is something heartwarming about seeing that little nose schmear on my window. 

As I was preparing to hunker down for the evening, I stumbled across Marley & Me on television. I forgot Marley gets ill in the end and needs to be euthanized. It brought back many memories, none of them good, and all with a lot of angst. 

I am getting a great deal of pleasure watching my favorite little rescue organizations adopt dogs who have long been in their care. G-d blesses these organizations for undertaking the work they do. In my experience, the dogs are often matted and filthy, full of ticks, possibly fleas, and have a myriad of other maladies. As you may recall, this is how I found Bella at the local pound. One organization seems to be drawn to dogs that have eye problems and often require an enucleation of one or both eyes (surgical removal of the eyeball).  

The organizations are largely dependent on the grace and charity of others. If you have an opportunity, consider looking into volunteering, fostering, or somehow supporting them. By the way, all of my favorite organizations have a Facebook page where they post dogs available to adopt, who have been adopted, etc. Check out your favorite rescues on FB, it is a great way to stay in touch with them.

Bella's Place

Before I brought Bella home in 2008, I prepared myself for her to join the household with the car seat, food, beds, leash, etc. I established a relationship with the local vet, and more. One thing I knew from previous training was the Heimlich maneuver! Okay, so I did not exactly prepare for it dog-wise, I mean, I know how to accomplish it in humans, so if an emergent situation presented itself, wouldn't the same rules apply to dogs?

Bella, as you know, liked her Greenies. She also went through a period where she liked to chew on an item called C.E.T HEXtra Chews. They tasted good to Bella and they were supposed to be good for her teeth.  She would get them down to a small nub, and with my mother-love, I would swoop in and throw away the last masticated bit. Once, I did not catch her, and she started choking on the last little nub. Not one to sit by and watch, I jumped into action! I stood over and behind her, placed my clenched fists under her rib-cage and swiftly pulled up! Voila! The nub of the chew was expelled and all was good. I don't think Bella realized what occurred, but she was back to being happy and breathing. Thank goodness!

Earlier this week I spoke with the vet. I was concerned that I somehow contributed to Bella's demise. What caused the pancreatitis and did I do something to exacerbate the illness and hasten her demise. Dr. Watson assured me I did nothing to aggravate or cause the pancreatitis. I felt slightly more confident after speaking with him. I know it will take time.

Shortly after Bella came to live here, I realized she had a unique talent. While I knew she liked to cuddle, what I did not know was how she liked to accomplish this. I used to have a recliner in my office. If I was sitting in the recliner, Bella would jump up; walk up the center of my torso, until she was almost at my shoulder. She would then turn around a couple of times (presumably to make sure she was perfectly aligned), and then plop down (always on the right side) so her head was nestled into the crux of my arm and her back end was at my elbow. Once, when my sister was visiting, I called her into my office quickly so she could witness this rite. It was hysterical and purely untaught by me; she did this on her own! This was by far her favorite position! And it was perfect for my right hand as I could easily reach her tummy. She often fell asleep here and loved to have her belly rubbed here.

 

In the beginning I would not allow Bella on the furniture without me; after all the furniture was new, and some of it is leather. I did not want to be mad at her if it was scratched. Of course, this did not last and I finally relented. One of her favorite spots was on the ottoman in the family room. In the past year or so, her back and hips started to bother her, and the ottoman seemed to have the right level of firmness to support her little body. Keeping this in mind, I also purchased an "egg crate" bed for her which she also enjoyed.

So, as previously mentioned, you know she liked to sit, perched on my left knee looking out the car window. What I have never mentioned is how she would occasionally look back at me, and gently throw herself onto my chest and nuzzle, and then return to her perch gazing out the window.  In the beginning, I did buy a car seat for her, as she had a bad habit in those early days, of walking (over me) while I was driving! The car seat lasted a couple of months, and then we took a 6 hour car trip to LA. Oh well, the car seat has had a comfortable and neat spot in the trunk for the past 3+ years.

Whenever we could not physically cuddle, Bella would most certainly be close-by. Or, if the weather was nice, I would open the front door, and she would sit and watch the world go by while I cleaned the kitchen or started a load of laundry. She liked spending time there, waiting for her boyfriend "Blake" to walk-by, or watch the neighbor kids walking home from school. She had two other favorite locations in the kitchen, under the dishwasher door when it was open (she would crawl under) or under one of the dining room chairs watching me.  She was my little shadow.



So, I hope Bella would not think I am "cheating" on her, but I have been poring over the dog websites, like Petfinder.com, AAWL, etc. I came very close to fostering a beautiful Yorkie-poo, but the rescue organization who was holding her, dropped the ball. I am cruising the websites again, but need to have that "wow!" moment before I will commit to fostering or adoption.

In the meantime, Bella was deathly afraid of getting into the pool with me. I did buy her a life vest, (note photo below, she is looking into the pool) and made her get into the pool with me that first summer so I could show her where the steps were, and how to get out.  She was pretty cool about getting out, not so hot about staying in the water with me! Even though I was holding her tightly. That is fine, I wanted her to have a "healthy fear" of the pool. On the other paw, she loved taking a shower/bath! Go figure. I would go through our usual steps of getting ready, laying out her towels, running the water, talking to her about the shower, and on more than one occasion, she would jump into the tub on her own! Funny girl!
                                               

She was great too about going to the groomer. She loved Melanie. She was usually very good for her, and would sit and let Melanie groom her, cut her nails, and otherwise poke and prod her as needed!

Bella had several surgeries during our life together. She was spayed, had bladder (not kidney) stones removed, had her anal glands removed (long, gross story), and had a growth removed from her forehead. Not to mention teeth cleanings for which they are under general anesthesia. Her final illness was beyond me. This monster which invaded her little body could not be fixed with surgery. I felt so helpless in those last few days. She was drinking copious amounts of water; I could not keep up with her. I would leave fresh water for her at night, and in the morning her bowl was dry! She was throwing up all of the water (pills and food too). That last weekend I resorted to giving her ice cubes just to keep her mouth comfortable. I would hold them for her, and she would lick. She could keep down the little water she was getting from the ice. Alas, it was not enough. I do not remember the exact measurement now, but the vet called to check on her and said she needed at least X ounces of water a day. What she was getting from the ice cubes just was not enough.

So, in the end was I the cause of my baby's demise? That is the question I keep asking myself. I am afraid to ask the vet, because I am afraid of the answer. As I sit here, tears welling up in my eyes, and dropping onto the keyboard, I wonder whether I could ever responsibly mother another fur-baby.

Bella, my Lovebug, no worries. For the time being, you are, and will remain my only puppy. Love you, Momma.



Bella Bella, Buddha, Sweet Pea, Boo Boo, Lovebug, Peanut. These are just a handful of the nicknames Bella commanded. And she answered to them all! I met friends for dinner the other night who were quite familiar, and fond of, Miss Bella (see, there is another)!

We reminisced about her, and how sweet she was. It was comforting to talk about her with friends who knew her well. On the other hand, my neighbor, who claims her dog, Blake (not his real name; need to protect the innocent), pulls in the direction of my house whenever she walks him, as he was so fond of Bella. Yeah, right. It was more like she was Mrs. Kravitz from Bewitched.  She is the busy-body of the neighborhood, and gets her nose in everyone's business. Whenever she stops by she rings the doorbell incessantly, as if I cannot hear it the first time she rings!

"Mrs. Kravitz" did not know Bella had passed, so when she stopped by the other night, I had to share the news with her. She started bawling, literally crying crocodile tears!  She expressed her condolences, and I had to go through the pancreatitis story once again. Then politely excused myself, as my sister was on the phone (not really, but she is 2000 miles away, so it is plausible).

My sister on the other hand, who has a deep-seeded fear of dogs, loved Bella, as if she were truly a niece. She brought presents for her when she came to visit, and sent a card when she passed. We cried together, and talked about my Bella on that awful day in April.

The people who did know Bella personally, have all had differing reactions to her passing. The practice manager at the vet's office, gets weepy every time we chat. Not to mention the vet, practice manager and tech all cried when I (they) euthanized her. I could not, and still cannot step inside the vet's office so I wrote notes of gratitude to them when Boo Boo passed. I also could not go to Petsmart so I wrote a note to the groomers to share my sad news with them.

Talking is good, as is writing. I am enjoying writing this blog, as much as I hope you like reading it. One of Bella's uncles suggested the other night I consider writing as more than a hobby. Maybe it is something to think about...hmm, Cynthia Hersh, author, coming up next on the Today Show, after this commercial break. It has a nice ring to it!

So, Honey Bunny, this one is for you!

As previously mentioned, Bella loved to hang out the car window feeling the wind blow through her mane and taking in the bouquet of the neighborhood.  To see her little white fluffy body against the vivid blue Honda was a sight to behold. And I enjoyed it just as much as she did; particularly when drivers next to us or oncoming would point and smile at her. I felt like such a proud Momma!

One summer in the sweltering heat of August, I decided to take her for a late night ride just to cool off. Sometimes air-conditioning just does not cut it, and you need that dose of fresh air. It was going to be a short ride, and at that time of night, about 10pm, the streets were relatively quiet, so I could drive slowly for her. There was a simple route to take from our house out to the main road, through the park, and back on a little side road within the park, past the middle school and back home. It should take no longer than 10, maybe 15 minutes.

Everything was fine until I took the sharp right turn from the park to the little side road. Bella was hanging out of the car more than I anticipated and as the car went right...Bella went left! Right out of the car window! The next thing I knew I saw her in my rear-view mirror with a look on her face like, "What the heck just happened??"

I stopped the car and went to pick her up and just held her, rocking her, and apologizing over and over again. It is funny now, but back then, not so much. Remarkably enough she was not hurt or injured at all! 

Bella has more funny stories like this to share! Please watch for more of our crazy adventures! 

Shortly after I acquired Bella, my hours changed to 4x10. I did not want to leave her for 10 hours a day which in reality was closer to 12 hours per day, 4 days a week. I was (I am) very fortunate to have two very good friends who graciously allowed Bella to hang out at their house for at least two days each week (often more). Gary and Michael are like two big brothers to me and we have been friends for more than 26 years. So, it was natural for them to become Bella's uncles. 

They would occasionally grouse at the thought of Bella planting a kiss on them, or being underfoot, but I think deep down inside they truly loved her.

I was fortunate to have Gary accompany me to have Bella euthanized. I do not know what I would have done had he not been with me. Having that support over the past four years was so meaningful for both me and Bella.

Not only would Bella spend some days at their home, they would often allow her to stay for several days at a time when I went out of town. I remember the first time she stayed there; I think I carried in about four loads of her belongings from my car. I brought her crate, her pillows, her toys, and her food. All of her accoutrement and way too much stuff! Subsequent visits I only brought her food, a water dish, and a pillow. Toys and treats found a permanent place in their home. There were rare occasions when dog-sitters would care for Bella, but it was never as successful as her stays with Uncle Gary and Uncle Michael. 

 

What a lucky girl my Bella was to have these two gentle souls in her life (and mine). You are both very much appreciated.

Bella was very intelligent, and if you asked me, the most intelligent! I will assume she had a broad vocabulary. She (seemed) to know many words, and their meanings. For instance, when I would come home from work, her favorite activity (after going out to relieve herself) was to cuddle. And Bella knew what this meant. “Bella, do you want to cuddle?” And sure enough she would head over to my chair, waiting for me to pick her up, hold her, and rub her belly.

All I would need to do was jiggle my keys, or say “Bella, do you want to go for a ride? Do you want to go bye-bye?” And sure enough, she would beat a path to the back door! Her favorite activity on our car rides was to perch herself on my lap and gaze out the window, and if I was not driving too fast, she liked to hang out the window, breathing in the smells of the neighborhood, and letting the wind blow through her hair.

Often, I would prepare her a day or two in advance of a visit to the vet, or to Petsmart. She knew the name of her groomer, and all I would need to do is ask her if she wanted to see Melanie, and I would remind her that Melanie bathed her, and groomed her as I ran my hands over her belly simulating the noise of a razor. Similarly, I could ask her if she wanted to see Dr. W, and and her friend Lydia, and she would 
get so excited!

Once we arrived at Petsmart, she would always have to stop and see the guinea pigs and the birds first! And, after we left the groomer too! At our Petsmart these smaller pets are on the left side of the main aisle, but it is not like this in all stores. Once, on our way to California, on our way out of Phoenix, we stopped at a Petsmart in a western suburb. When we got inside of the store, she immediately went to the left of the main aisle looking for the guinea pigs and birds, only to be disappointed! They were on the right! However, she did find a hamster-geared toy on an end-cap whose box cover was adorned with a hamster. Sure enough she barked wildly at the “stiff” little, one-dimensional critter!

Dinner time was generally preceded by a Greenie, an appetizer, as it were. She knew the word Greenie, and that is all I would have to say, "Do you want a Greenie?" and she would run to the area of the kitchen where we kept them and wait excitedly! Likewise, she would run when dinner was announced!

More on Bella’s vocabulary later!

Early on in order to establish a warm and loving relationship, I engaged Bella in “wrestling matches”. These were gentle of course, but fun for us both nonetheless. Sometimes these would occur on the floor, on the couch, but more often than not, we would “wrestle” on the bed in the guest room.  

She enjoyed having me put the side of my hand in her mouth, and she would pretend to bite me. She never did mind you, but clearly we both thought it was funny. She would let me play hide-and-seek during these bouts too! I would throw a blanket over her and pretend I could not find her, yelling out for her to come, “Bella, where are you? Where is my Bella?” Eventually, she would stick her little head out of the covers, as if to say, “Here I am!”

Once her surgical wounds from her spay healed, I would sometimes blow on her tummy. I did not do it too often, because she was not fond of this, but I liked to tease her, as if I was going to do it, just to get her riled up. Speaking of the guest room, by the way, Bella assumed this was her room, particularly after my niece and nephew would come to visit. Bella liked to creep under the bed and hide behind the dust ruffle; I could hear her doing her normal carpet scratching there, as if to build a nest. Unless I called her, she would eventually crawl out the other side of the bed. And it was always this way; in one side out the other. We had good times in the guest room.

Hopefully, Bella found a bed to crawl under on the other side and is scratching the carpet there too.

Three weeks ago yesterday, Bella crossed the Rainbow Bridge after a brave and long fight with pancreatitis. I miss her horribly (I am writing this at 3:00AM) and thought I would start a blog to tell her story.  I hope you join me on her adventures. She was a funny girl and kept me entertained over the past four years.

Bella had a funny quality to her. She loved being loved and loved back just as generously. I was inspired by President Obama after the 2008 election to adopt a dog myself, just as he had promised his girls. On a whim I went to our local "kill shelter" pound. I was perusing the kennels when I saw her kennel-mate. She was adorable, just the right size at about 10 lbs. Another family reached the kennel just before me and took that dog for a walk. That was it, they wanted her. Oh well, I thought. I will go back and look at the other dog. She was white/apricot and jumped a lot. Clearly, she was trying to get my attention. I took her for a walk, she stopped to pee, and that was it! I was in love.

 

We stopped a volunteer who put us in a "family room" and we grew acquainted while the volunteer processed my paperwork. Adopting a dog was not nearly as involved as adopting a child! The dog was a mess. She looked like she had been on the streets for 6 months! She was matted, dirty, and likely had ticks. I had to leave her there until Monday so she could be spayed and micro chipped. But they were not going to bathe her before her surgery! Later that day, I made arrangements for a mobile dog groomer to come to the pound so she could be bathed, groomed, and cleaned of ticks and mites. I stayed and kept her company while she was bathed and assured her she would be fine. The bonding process had begun!

On Monday, after work I stopped to pick her up on my way home. I had spent Sunday running to get food, food and water bowls, a leash and collar, and anything else I thought I would need for her! Also on Sunday, I ran names through my brain. Isabella, Bella. Bella it was! We stopped at the vet on our way home for her first "check-up". The vet was pleased with her incision, although they now use black tattoo ink on females to denote they have been spayed, and the pound was overly zealous with their use of ink on Bella! She has one big tat on her belly!

When we got home, I showed her where her food and water were, and where the back door was. She then promptly wanted to cuddle as she was recovering from surgery. That was it, I was in love.

So, welcome to Bella's Place. I hope you enjoy our adventures. More later.