The One With the Refrigerator

I was cleaning the refrigerator the other day and I had a distinct rush of emotion and felt Bella's presence. She would often stick her little nose in the fridge when I would open it to get her, or myself something to eat. It always reminded me of a young child (me, maybe) bugging their mother for something to eat and looking at a multitude of goodies, fruit, veggies, and more...but seeing nothing! "Mom, what is there to eat?", the child would wail, clearly momentarily blind to all of the food staring back at her! It brought a smile to my face even though cleaning the fridge is one of my least favorite chores!

I realized the other day, why I was feeling so funky this week. The three-month anniversary of Bella's passing was earlier this week. I truly miss her. She was good company and filled my day with meaning and goodness. I have her photos stored on my phone as a screensaver. When I am feeling blue, or have a twinge of her presence in the room, I often find myself talking to her (the screensaver, that is).

Last night, I thought I saw someone in the backyard with a bright light. Even though the alarm was set, I was terrified. Frozen on the couch in the living room, late at night, I called the police. Within five minutes (even though it seemed much longer), they sent a cruiser with two officers...and a helicopter buzzing the house, bright lights and all!

I remember thinking, "If Bella was here, I would feel safe. Even though she was not a barker by nature, she would have barked at the sounds from the backyard and protected her Momma!"

I still find myself looking at dog photos on the rescue sites, thinking about the day I might get a dog. I think about how a dog would have protected me last night, and how safe I would have felt, and how it would have diminished my need to call the police. Someday...

The One With the Car Wash

I think this will be my last post for a bit. I have not felt compelled to write and until now I could not find a topic. I went out and ran errands late last week and came back home as there was a dust storm heading into the Valley. Of course, not knowing there was a dust storm impending, I stopped to get the car washed on my way home. One thing I have not been able to do is wash my driver's side window. Bella's little nose-prints are still there from months ago.  And even though I would prefer a clean window, there is something heartwarming about seeing that little nose schmear on my window. 

As I was preparing to hunker down for the evening, I stumbled across Marley & Me on television. I forgot Marley gets ill in the end and needs to be euthanized. It brought back many memories, none of them good, and all with a lot of angst. 

I am getting a great deal of pleasure watching my favorite little rescue organizations adopt dogs who have long been in their care. G-d blesses these organizations for undertaking the work they do. In my experience, the dogs are often matted and filthy, full of ticks, possibly fleas, and have a myriad of other maladies. As you may recall, this is how I found Bella at the local pound. One organization seems to be drawn to dogs that have eye problems and often require an enucleation of one or both eyes (surgical removal of the eyeball).  

The organizations are largely dependent on the grace and charity of others. If you have an opportunity, consider looking into volunteering, fostering, or somehow supporting them. By the way, all of my favorite organizations have a Facebook page where they post dogs available to adopt, who have been adopted, etc. Check out your favorite rescues on FB, it is a great way to stay in touch with them.

Bella's Place

Before I brought Bella home in 2008, I prepared myself for her to join the household with the car seat, food, beds, leash, etc. I established a relationship with the local vet, and more. One thing I knew from previous training was the Heimlich maneuver! Okay, so I did not exactly prepare for it dog-wise, I mean, I know how to accomplish it in humans, so if an emergent situation presented itself, wouldn't the same rules apply to dogs?

Bella, as you know, liked her Greenies. She also went through a period where she liked to chew on an item called C.E.T HEXtra Chews. They tasted good to Bella and they were supposed to be good for her teeth.  She would get them down to a small nub, and with my mother-love, I would swoop in and throw away the last masticated bit. Once, I did not catch her, and she started choking on the last little nub. Not one to sit by and watch, I jumped into action! I stood over and behind her, placed my clenched fists under her rib-cage and swiftly pulled up! Voila! The nub of the chew was expelled and all was good. I don't think Bella realized what occurred, but she was back to being happy and breathing. Thank goodness!

Earlier this week I spoke with the vet. I was concerned that I somehow contributed to Bella's demise. What caused the pancreatitis and did I do something to exacerbate the illness and hasten her demise. Dr. Watson assured me I did nothing to aggravate or cause the pancreatitis. I felt slightly more confident after speaking with him. I know it will take time.

Shortly after Bella came to live here, I realized she had a unique talent. While I knew she liked to cuddle, what I did not know was how she liked to accomplish this. I used to have a recliner in my office. If I was sitting in the recliner, Bella would jump up; walk up the center of my torso, until she was almost at my shoulder. She would then turn around a couple of times (presumably to make sure she was perfectly aligned), and then plop down (always on the right side) so her head was nestled into the crux of my arm and her back end was at my elbow. Once, when my sister was visiting, I called her into my office quickly so she could witness this rite. It was hysterical and purely untaught by me; she did this on her own! This was by far her favorite position! And it was perfect for my right hand as I could easily reach her tummy. She often fell asleep here and loved to have her belly rubbed here.

 

In the beginning I would not allow Bella on the furniture without me; after all the furniture was new, and some of it is leather. I did not want to be mad at her if it was scratched. Of course, this did not last and I finally relented. One of her favorite spots was on the ottoman in the family room. In the past year or so, her back and hips started to bother her, and the ottoman seemed to have the right level of firmness to support her little body. Keeping this in mind, I also purchased an "egg crate" bed for her which she also enjoyed.

So, as previously mentioned, you know she liked to sit, perched on my left knee looking out the car window. What I have never mentioned is how she would occasionally look back at me, and gently throw herself onto my chest and nuzzle, and then return to her perch gazing out the window.  In the beginning, I did buy a car seat for her, as she had a bad habit in those early days, of walking (over me) while I was driving! The car seat lasted a couple of months, and then we took a 6 hour car trip to LA. Oh well, the car seat has had a comfortable and neat spot in the trunk for the past 3+ years.

Whenever we could not physically cuddle, Bella would most certainly be close-by. Or, if the weather was nice, I would open the front door, and she would sit and watch the world go by while I cleaned the kitchen or started a load of laundry. She liked spending time there, waiting for her boyfriend "Blake" to walk-by, or watch the neighbor kids walking home from school. She had two other favorite locations in the kitchen, under the dishwasher door when it was open (she would crawl under) or under one of the dining room chairs watching me.  She was my little shadow.



So, I hope Bella would not think I am "cheating" on her, but I have been poring over the dog websites, like Petfinder.com, AAWL, etc. I came very close to fostering a beautiful Yorkie-poo, but the rescue organization who was holding her, dropped the ball. I am cruising the websites again, but need to have that "wow!" moment before I will commit to fostering or adoption.

In the meantime, Bella was deathly afraid of getting into the pool with me. I did buy her a life vest, (note photo below, she is looking into the pool) and made her get into the pool with me that first summer so I could show her where the steps were, and how to get out.  She was pretty cool about getting out, not so hot about staying in the water with me! Even though I was holding her tightly. That is fine, I wanted her to have a "healthy fear" of the pool. On the other paw, she loved taking a shower/bath! Go figure. I would go through our usual steps of getting ready, laying out her towels, running the water, talking to her about the shower, and on more than one occasion, she would jump into the tub on her own! Funny girl!
                                               

She was great too about going to the groomer. She loved Melanie. She was usually very good for her, and would sit and let Melanie groom her, cut her nails, and otherwise poke and prod her as needed!

Bella had several surgeries during our life together. She was spayed, had bladder (not kidney) stones removed, had her anal glands removed (long, gross story), and had a growth removed from her forehead. Not to mention teeth cleanings for which they are under general anesthesia. Her final illness was beyond me. This monster which invaded her little body could not be fixed with surgery. I felt so helpless in those last few days. She was drinking copious amounts of water; I could not keep up with her. I would leave fresh water for her at night, and in the morning her bowl was dry! She was throwing up all of the water (pills and food too). That last weekend I resorted to giving her ice cubes just to keep her mouth comfortable. I would hold them for her, and she would lick. She could keep down the little water she was getting from the ice. Alas, it was not enough. I do not remember the exact measurement now, but the vet called to check on her and said she needed at least X ounces of water a day. What she was getting from the ice cubes just was not enough.

So, in the end was I the cause of my baby's demise? That is the question I keep asking myself. I am afraid to ask the vet, because I am afraid of the answer. As I sit here, tears welling up in my eyes, and dropping onto the keyboard, I wonder whether I could ever responsibly mother another fur-baby.

Bella, my Lovebug, no worries. For the time being, you are, and will remain my only puppy. Love you, Momma.



Bella Bella, Buddha, Sweet Pea, Boo Boo, Lovebug, Peanut. These are just a handful of the nicknames Bella commanded. And she answered to them all! I met friends for dinner the other night who were quite familiar, and fond of, Miss Bella (see, there is another)!

We reminisced about her, and how sweet she was. It was comforting to talk about her with friends who knew her well. On the other hand, my neighbor, who claims her dog, Blake (not his real name; need to protect the innocent), pulls in the direction of my house whenever she walks him, as he was so fond of Bella. Yeah, right. It was more like she was Mrs. Kravitz from Bewitched.  She is the busy-body of the neighborhood, and gets her nose in everyone's business. Whenever she stops by she rings the doorbell incessantly, as if I cannot hear it the first time she rings!

"Mrs. Kravitz" did not know Bella had passed, so when she stopped by the other night, I had to share the news with her. She started bawling, literally crying crocodile tears!  She expressed her condolences, and I had to go through the pancreatitis story once again. Then politely excused myself, as my sister was on the phone (not really, but she is 2000 miles away, so it is plausible).

My sister on the other hand, who has a deep-seeded fear of dogs, loved Bella, as if she were truly a niece. She brought presents for her when she came to visit, and sent a card when she passed. We cried together, and talked about my Bella on that awful day in April.

The people who did know Bella personally, have all had differing reactions to her passing. The practice manager at the vet's office, gets weepy every time we chat. Not to mention the vet, practice manager and tech all cried when I (they) euthanized her. I could not, and still cannot step inside the vet's office so I wrote notes of gratitude to them when Boo Boo passed. I also could not go to Petsmart so I wrote a note to the groomers to share my sad news with them.

Talking is good, as is writing. I am enjoying writing this blog, as much as I hope you like reading it. One of Bella's uncles suggested the other night I consider writing as more than a hobby. Maybe it is something to think about...hmm, Cynthia Hersh, author, coming up next on the Today Show, after this commercial break. It has a nice ring to it!

So, Honey Bunny, this one is for you!

As previously mentioned, Bella loved to hang out the car window feeling the wind blow through her mane and taking in the bouquet of the neighborhood.  To see her little white fluffy body against the vivid blue Honda was a sight to behold. And I enjoyed it just as much as she did; particularly when drivers next to us or oncoming would point and smile at her. I felt like such a proud Momma!

One summer in the sweltering heat of August, I decided to take her for a late night ride just to cool off. Sometimes air-conditioning just does not cut it, and you need that dose of fresh air. It was going to be a short ride, and at that time of night, about 10pm, the streets were relatively quiet, so I could drive slowly for her. There was a simple route to take from our house out to the main road, through the park, and back on a little side road within the park, past the middle school and back home. It should take no longer than 10, maybe 15 minutes.

Everything was fine until I took the sharp right turn from the park to the little side road. Bella was hanging out of the car more than I anticipated and as the car went right...Bella went left! Right out of the car window! The next thing I knew I saw her in my rear-view mirror with a look on her face like, "What the heck just happened??"

I stopped the car and went to pick her up and just held her, rocking her, and apologizing over and over again. It is funny now, but back then, not so much. Remarkably enough she was not hurt or injured at all! 

Bella has more funny stories like this to share! Please watch for more of our crazy adventures!